Virtual coffees are a divisive topic. The opinions I have seen around me range from “yuck, no” to “they’re okay”. Personally, they can be really great! I have had many fulfilling conversations, ranging from learning moments about other areas of the company to deep, meaningful life conversations. This post serves to advocate for virtual coffee, to both managers and ICs, and to share a few tips that hopefully will help make your one-on-one moments better.
Here is a quick TL;DR:
- Virtual coffees should be optional but encouraged - they really helped me connect with people at my remote company.
- Go beyond the basics when answering ice breaker questions - give your colleagues multiple paths to carry the conversation forward.
- It’s okay to say no to a coffee event - they are better when you can be fully present and happy to be there.
- Donut App on Slack works well enough, and I personally enjoyed more one-on-one coffees than larger groups.
Onto the story…
For the past 3 years, I worked remotely at a company called Cable. We had no office, and we had no commute. We did meet every quarter at first, for about a week, and then every 6 months for the same amount of time. Despite being fully remote, I had what I consider to be a great culture, and I made and kept a fantastic group of friends.
Normally, I always make friends wherever I work. I expected remote work to be different, but it really was not. The moments we spent in meet-ups were invaluable to strengthen the relationships we built, but in between these moments, there were other events. This is my love letter to virtual coffees.
Now, a word of warning: I love coffee and conversation. I think this stems from two places:
- My Portuguese heritage: we love coffee and talking over coffee.
- My old Science Management teacher who introduced the term “management by coffee” to me.
If, however, you don’t share this passion at all, here is rule number one: all virtual coffees should be optional. No one should be forced to participate; just encourage people lightly and hope for the best. But if you are on the fence about these social events, let me share a few more tips to make your experience better. I hope I am able to help you break through the initial awkwardness of these virtual coffees and embrace them.
If you are a decision-maker (Founder, CEO, etc.), I’ll tell you that from an employee’s perspective, I genuinely appreciated that my company encouraged us to set up recurring virtual coffee breaks during our onboarding. This could be done one-on-one, or with a small group every fortnight, or with a few open slots in your own calendar that anyone can join.
This simple gesture made me take the company culture a bit more seriously. I was able to connect with my new colleagues within the first two weeks, even beyond the mandatory meetings. My schedule included two 30-minute virtual coffees per week that I booked with colleagues, with an additional one booked every 2 weeks by the Donut Slack app (virtual coffee template). I carried this on for the three years I worked there. Occasionally I did these coffees as a Walk & Talk, and I can say that stretching my legs and having a chat was a great way to connect! You can even do some research and see there are mental health benefits around walking and talking.
I’d like to leave a few notes about Donut. I don’t love it nor hate it; it’s an okay tool for this job. If your company uses it, what I would encourage you to do is to fill in your interests (a.k.a. the icebreaker questions), and to always leave a kind word for your colleagues at the end of a meeting.
Specifically, when using icebreaker questions, I aim to provide more than just the basic facts and facilitate open-ended discussions. For instance, if the question is “What is your favorite food?” I will respond with the actual dish, a specific place associated with it, a personal memory, or something else that allows the other person to connect with me in various ways.
The one aspect of the Donut coffees that I disliked was when they paired us in groups of three or more people. I noticed that the conversation dynamics were always off, and more introverted colleagues would withdraw, making it challenging to hear from them and get to know them.
Before concluding this post, here are some virtual coffee reminders that I find significant:
- Don’t take it personally if people decline a coffee chat. Sometimes, we simply aren’t in the mood for it.
- Conversations can vary in length. It’s perfectly acceptable to end one and return to work.
- It’s okay to discuss work and brainstorm ideas. Not all coffee chats have to be incredibly deep and meaningful. As I mentioned, mine have ranged from work-related topics to asking for advice on tech I need to buy for my home, to planning vacations, climbing, coffee, and more.
I hope this helps you have a better impression of virtual coffees, and maybe even get you to participate more fully in them.
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