Learning to be managed

28 Feb 2024 • Life

I said to myself that I was going to write once a month during 2024. I want to make good on that promise, though I am already late for January… So let’s just say I want to write on average once a month. Just a small change of the goal posts. I think it is acceptable.

Goal posts relate to the topic I want to talk about today: management. “Learning how to be managed” is a topic I am interested in, because I think I have been doing it wrong. And it took failing at one of my own goals to dive into it.

My goal, the one I did not achieve, was to get my promotion to Senior Data Engineer. That was my internal 2023 goal. It hurts to say it out loud and admit in public failing to achieve a goal, but self-awareness is the start of change.

The aim of this post is: to write down my understanding of basic management concepts, and to share them with whoever wants to read them. To provide some behavioural tips, actions and a framework to get more out of your meetings with your manager.

My (small) research came from two authors, Camille Fournier and Julia Evans. Specifically, I focused on:

I will focus on two parts: what a good manager is, and techniques to improve your communication with them.

And finally, before we start, a thank you to all the managers that cared about me! The managers that made sense out of my streams of thought, that were kind, and helped me grow in this career that I enjoy so much!

What is a good manager

I have to start by sharing a simple, yet fundamental, insight from The Manager’s Path:

Some people think a good manager is one that will perform benign neglect, i.e. if you know what to work on, they leave you alone.

That is not what a good manager is. That is also not what a bad manager is. That is just a meh manager (…a mehnager…).

The experience of having a good manager will define parts of your career, and it will also help you develop your own philosophy of management. It can be an extremely rewarding experience to be a part of.

Having that said, good managers:

  • They care about you as a person
  • They teach you important skills
  • They help you figure out what you need to learn
  • They want you to take their job
  • They help you understand what to focus on

Good managers will take the moments they have with you (the 1:1s) and take them to the next level:

  • The meetings will be regular, predictable, and private
  • They will create human connections, try to understand you as a person and let you understand them
  • They will provide you with actionable feedback - even in situations where getting feedback is uncomfortable
  • They can help you find resources for growth!

This is probably the ideal manager. The truth is that not everyone can cover all these marks. And that is ok! So what should you do in this situation, when your manager lacks some skills?

The answer is simple, continue networking within your company (and even outside) to find people that are inspiring in the areas you need guidance and your manager lacks. Maybe you need someone more empathetic, or who is a better engineer to discuss and teach you. Whatever that is, those skills should be present around you, and connecting with them will help you be better!

For the sake of completion, let’s also share a few examples of bad managers, again getting information from The Manager’s Path:

  • They are neglectful when you need help, and brush concerns aside
  • They will avoid meeting with you, or constantly move meetings around
  • They don’t give you feedback that is actionable
  • They only tell you are not fit for promotion
  • They are micromanagers, and/or question every detail of everything
  • They don’t let you make decisions on your own

These behaviours will affect your mental health. They make the work experience unpleasant, and chip away at your confidence and willingness to wake up everyday to do things. I think it is worth remembering that people don’t quit their jobs, they quit their managers - or so goes the saying.

Now that you know the difference between a good and a bad manager, let’s talk about communication and how to improve the working relationship.

Communicating with your manager

This is going to sound ridiculous but I have to say it: managers are human beings. All human beings deal with many things in their lives:

  • bad nights of sleep;
  • families;
  • their own goals and aspirations;
  • their fears and worries;
  • the work and other stakeholders;

So before anything else we should remind ourselves to have empathy when dealing with managers, as they are not at our full disposal. Being a manager is hard.

Having that said, there are a few things we can do to improve our communication with them.

Lets start by talking about 1:1s. These are the meetings where you and your manager align personal and company goals, and discuss projects and priorities.

The first step to having productive 1:1s is understanding they are important, and like all important things in life you should be opinionated about them. I have certainly failed here before by assuming it was my manager’s job to guide these meetings. What does it mean to be opinionated in a 1:1?

First of all, save time to prepare - maybe a 30 min block the day before, so that you can think and still change things before the real meeting. That’s how I do mine. Additionally, you should be able to discuss:

  • What has been going well
  • What is not going well
  • Team priorities
  • Asking for opportunities
  • Career Planning
  • Asking for Feedback
  • Giving Feedback
  • Do brainstorming sessions
  • Ask for resources

Personally, in my new 1:1 document I wrote a header for inspiration (and also to align with my manager) that has the following (and feel free to copy this):

  • Information
    • What is (is not) going well
      • Talk about problems early, so that you can work on them
      • If things are not going well, be clear about why and what an ideal solution would be
    • Team priorities
      • Knowing priorities will help you be proactive, and come up with ideas and organise work better
    • Set clear expectations and goals
  • Help
    • Brainstorming solutions
    • Asking for resources
  • Growth
    • Receiving/Giving Feedback
    • Asking for opportunities
    • Career Planning

I make the above section a collapsible section, so that I can use it as reference but doesn’t become cumbersome. If you think about these sections, you will no doubt have something to say.

Secondly, one important note on setting clear expectations and goals - ensure the are S.M.A.R.T. (I am defo stealing this from one of my friends that is an ace at setting goals).

  • S - Specific
  • M - Measurable
  • A - Achievable
  • R- Relevant
  • T- Time-Bound

There are many resources to learn how to measure your smart goals - or if you want to be really trendy you can even ask ChatGPT.

And finally, I want to talk about brag documents! These have helped me immensely track what I do (even the small things) and be proud of my achievements. They are especially good as neither you nor your manager will remember everything you did every quarter (or however long your evaluation period is)! Does the question “What did I do these last 6 months?” ring a bell?

There is a lot of good information in the linked article - I will paste what I think are the most relevant headlines and spend time only on a few points:

  • share your brag document with your manager
    • They will be thankful that you are helping them remember all the things that you have done
  • share it with your peer reviewers
    • The people that work directly with you might remember things you did for them that they want you to highlight! Remember that we work in teams, and the effects that we have on others are very important for great performance!
  • explain the big picture
    • Why did you choose the projects you did? It is good to explain your focus, and ensure that you are taking your career in the correct direction
  • use your brag document to notice patterns
    • What work makes you feel good, or proud? Are there themes to the projects you love being involved in? Answers to these questions will help you steer your career in the direction of your interests, and overall work happiness
  • don’t forget to include the fuzzy work
  • encourage each other to celebrate accomplishment
    • Let me quote Julia Evans directly: “It can be hard to see the value of your work sometimes, especially when you’re working on something hard, and an outside perspective from a friend or colleague can really help you see why what you’re doing is important.”

I spend a little bit of time every week keeping my document updated. In the beginning it was hard to do, and even harder to share a brag document with my manager. However, the very positive reaction encouraged me to continue. Now I have a list that is starting to make me proud! Here are the sections I use:

  • Big Picture - defining what my work overall is
  • Random untracked bits - all the tiny pieces of work that don’t really have a ticket
  • Area #1 - My main area of work
  • Project Work - Projects that I have participated in regardless of the format, I explain what my contributions were
  • Written documentation - documents I start, or things I keep updated

These areas work for me, and you have to find the areas that work for you!

This is all I have to say about what I have learned. I hope you find some of this useful in your own career. Go and explore the articles I have mentioned, and the many other available sources online. As I said before, self-awareness is the first step to getting better at something!

If you have any questions, feel free to reach me at “me[at]joseantunes[dot]tech”.

Have a super day,

J :)

 Learning  Work

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